I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
