its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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