no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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