Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The best revenge is premature balding
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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