i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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