It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
