You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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