I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love having hate sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need a beard to bite.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
