What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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