I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
try to milk me bitch
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