go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
