I'm eating all of the evidence.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
