I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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