Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
