based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
