why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
