Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
