please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
