Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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