Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
