i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
