its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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