just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
