I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
