That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
