you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
