she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
