sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
