I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
