I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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