Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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