We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
