Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
