Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
