Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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