all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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