so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my poor anus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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