Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
