i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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