WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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