I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
