It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
