also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was like eating out sand paper
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
