I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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