is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize