I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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