listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
