some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
