On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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