if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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