so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
