bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
