i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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