Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
