If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
